[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
much noise. Everything else could wait.
Tongues moved across one another in a timeless, unrehearsed dance that was hot and
needy and so much more. Finally pulling away, Mark stared at Raven. His lover looked
equal parts shocked and awestruck. Which was fine that was exactly how Mark felt right
now. And really, there was only one thing that mattered. All the turmoil, questions and
stress of the past few days boiled away with four words.
I love you, too.
Raven s breath hitched. The words were the most wonderful and terrifying he d ever
heard. All his life, he d longed for them and what they meant acceptance, comfort, support.
The irony was, he suddenly realised the tremendous responsibility that came with them. He
held Mark s heart in his hands and he was terrified he was going to break it. He didn t want
to, but he couldn t help being scared he wasn t up to the task. What if he got it wrong?
A panic attack threatened. His heart rate leapt up and his breathing started to come in
fast, shallow pants for air.
Then Mark s hand caressed his cheek. Breathe, Raven. Just breathe.
www.total-e-bound.com
RAVEN S MARK Jade Archer
184
As quickly as it had come, the panic attack subsided and he could think again. It was
completely illogical, and Raven would never want to try and explain it, but Mark s touch had
worked to bring him back from the edge. And suddenly he knew what he needed to do.
Raven fought to get the words he needed to say out. After several attempts, he finally
managed to clear his throat, at least enough to be heard. I think& I think I n-need to find
someone to talk to about all this. I can t p-promise it will work out, but& I w-want to try. I m
going to g-get some help and& t-try again. I really& I really w-want us to work.
Me too, Mark whispered.
Raven swallowed. He had to tell Mark everything. I ve tried to t-talk to people before.
I ll be there for you whatever you decide to do. You know that, right? I promise I
won t try to control it or anything. I just& I want to be there for you.
Thank you. Raven closed his eyes and leant forward to rest his head on Mark s
shoulder.
Somehow it helped make the next bit easier when he didn t have to look at Mark, but
was so close and connected at the same time. The confessions seemed to be coming thick and
fast now.
The first c-counsellor I went to after Maria l-left asked me if I had a n-need to be
dominated. If I didn t secretly c-crave it.
Asshole, Mark growled.
Raven shrugged, forehead still supported by the crook of Mark s shoulder. It made me
w-wonder for a while. I started to ask myself if maybe I hung around because somewhere
deep d-down I liked it& or maybe I deserved it because& I ve always been attracted to m-
men too. It was a p-pretty confusing t-time. You think I m screwed up n-now? You should
have seen me back then. And that really didn t h-help.
No wonder you re leery of seeing anyone, Mark said, his voice even and calm, but
Raven could feel the tension radiating out of him.
Yeah.
And I don t, you know, Mark said, running his hand up the nape of Raven s neck into
his hair.
Don t w-what? Raven asked, distracted by the way Mark was touching him and how
amazing it felt.
www.total-e-bound.com
RAVEN S MARK Jade Archer
185
Think you re screwed up.
Oh, that&
Raven let the words sink in for a moment.
I know I n-need to stop telling myself that. I know you re supposed to think what you
w-want to be and everything. But& it s hard to d-do when you re feeling in the bottom of the
c-curve. You know?
Yeah. I do. Not the same, but& when things don t go according to plan or get messed
up unexpectedly& it s hard not to feel like I m wearing concrete boots and sinking fast.
Raven nodded. He d sensed some innate vulnerability about Mark months ago, but it
was only now he was coming to understand how deep it went how much it was a part and
parcel of Mark. He squirreled every word Mark shared with him away, touched beyond
measure that Mark would open himself up like this. It helped and eased him. And he was
determined to return the favour& somehow.
It s not the same thing, Mark suddenly said, drawing him back to the present. The
need I have for things to be in order and organised. And my need to help. It s not the same as
what Maria
I know. Raven breathed through the wash of shame that overcame him. I m s-sorry.
I was& I was an asshole.
No. Before Raven knew what was happening, they were sharing another kiss this
one sweet and soft and filled with tender reassurance. There was an infinite patience Raven
didn t feel worthy of unspoken in the caress of Mark s lips. Okay, maybe a bit of an asshole,
but you were scared.
A hush fell over them while Raven considered Mark s words. All of them.
She was r-right, you know, he finally said. I was holding out on her. I started saving
m-money whenever or wherever I could to get away from her. It wasn t m-much. A p-
pittance at first. Then I started doing t-technical writing.
Mark looked at him sadly. It was almost the same expression of sympathy and concern
he d seen on Jamie s face earlier.
I don t w-want that. I don t want to hold out on someone I l-love. I m sorry for& for
everything that h-happened. I was s-scared and& you were right, I p-pushed you away.
www.total-e-bound.com
RAVEN S MARK Jade Archer
186
Mark took his hand, a comfort and a promise at the same time. I ll try to wait until I m
asked for help. It s just& it s hard to stand back sometimes. But I will try.
Raven nodded. He wasn t sure how it would all work out, but Mark saying he would
try was worth a thousand empty guarantees from anyone else.
I was so afraid, he finally managed to admit.
Mark nodded. Yeah. Me too.
N-no. I mean, yes& but& deep d-down I was afraid she would& I wasn t just scared
for Ryan and m-me. I was scared she d& hurt you too.
Raven.
Mark pulled him in for a hug. The incredible thing was, despite all the turmoil and
heightened emotions of the conversation, Mark was so careful that Raven hardly felt any
pain from his bruised ribs. Raven soaked up the sensation of peace he found in Mark s arms,
letting it soothe him until he was finally able to release some of the poison that had been
lying against his heart for so long.
Do you know when I f-finally realised we had to escape?
Raven felt Mark shake his head where it rested against the top of his.
She was drunk one n-night. Throwing things and yelling and& and she started on
about R-Ryan. Saying how m-much of a fuck up I was. How she d w-wanted a girl. How I [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
zanotowane.pl doc.pisz.pl pdf.pisz.pl freetocraft.keep.pl
much noise. Everything else could wait.
Tongues moved across one another in a timeless, unrehearsed dance that was hot and
needy and so much more. Finally pulling away, Mark stared at Raven. His lover looked
equal parts shocked and awestruck. Which was fine that was exactly how Mark felt right
now. And really, there was only one thing that mattered. All the turmoil, questions and
stress of the past few days boiled away with four words.
I love you, too.
Raven s breath hitched. The words were the most wonderful and terrifying he d ever
heard. All his life, he d longed for them and what they meant acceptance, comfort, support.
The irony was, he suddenly realised the tremendous responsibility that came with them. He
held Mark s heart in his hands and he was terrified he was going to break it. He didn t want
to, but he couldn t help being scared he wasn t up to the task. What if he got it wrong?
A panic attack threatened. His heart rate leapt up and his breathing started to come in
fast, shallow pants for air.
Then Mark s hand caressed his cheek. Breathe, Raven. Just breathe.
www.total-e-bound.com
RAVEN S MARK Jade Archer
184
As quickly as it had come, the panic attack subsided and he could think again. It was
completely illogical, and Raven would never want to try and explain it, but Mark s touch had
worked to bring him back from the edge. And suddenly he knew what he needed to do.
Raven fought to get the words he needed to say out. After several attempts, he finally
managed to clear his throat, at least enough to be heard. I think& I think I n-need to find
someone to talk to about all this. I can t p-promise it will work out, but& I w-want to try. I m
going to g-get some help and& t-try again. I really& I really w-want us to work.
Me too, Mark whispered.
Raven swallowed. He had to tell Mark everything. I ve tried to t-talk to people before.
I ll be there for you whatever you decide to do. You know that, right? I promise I
won t try to control it or anything. I just& I want to be there for you.
Thank you. Raven closed his eyes and leant forward to rest his head on Mark s
shoulder.
Somehow it helped make the next bit easier when he didn t have to look at Mark, but
was so close and connected at the same time. The confessions seemed to be coming thick and
fast now.
The first c-counsellor I went to after Maria l-left asked me if I had a n-need to be
dominated. If I didn t secretly c-crave it.
Asshole, Mark growled.
Raven shrugged, forehead still supported by the crook of Mark s shoulder. It made me
w-wonder for a while. I started to ask myself if maybe I hung around because somewhere
deep d-down I liked it& or maybe I deserved it because& I ve always been attracted to m-
men too. It was a p-pretty confusing t-time. You think I m screwed up n-now? You should
have seen me back then. And that really didn t h-help.
No wonder you re leery of seeing anyone, Mark said, his voice even and calm, but
Raven could feel the tension radiating out of him.
Yeah.
And I don t, you know, Mark said, running his hand up the nape of Raven s neck into
his hair.
Don t w-what? Raven asked, distracted by the way Mark was touching him and how
amazing it felt.
www.total-e-bound.com
RAVEN S MARK Jade Archer
185
Think you re screwed up.
Oh, that&
Raven let the words sink in for a moment.
I know I n-need to stop telling myself that. I know you re supposed to think what you
w-want to be and everything. But& it s hard to d-do when you re feeling in the bottom of the
c-curve. You know?
Yeah. I do. Not the same, but& when things don t go according to plan or get messed
up unexpectedly& it s hard not to feel like I m wearing concrete boots and sinking fast.
Raven nodded. He d sensed some innate vulnerability about Mark months ago, but it
was only now he was coming to understand how deep it went how much it was a part and
parcel of Mark. He squirreled every word Mark shared with him away, touched beyond
measure that Mark would open himself up like this. It helped and eased him. And he was
determined to return the favour& somehow.
It s not the same thing, Mark suddenly said, drawing him back to the present. The
need I have for things to be in order and organised. And my need to help. It s not the same as
what Maria
I know. Raven breathed through the wash of shame that overcame him. I m s-sorry.
I was& I was an asshole.
No. Before Raven knew what was happening, they were sharing another kiss this
one sweet and soft and filled with tender reassurance. There was an infinite patience Raven
didn t feel worthy of unspoken in the caress of Mark s lips. Okay, maybe a bit of an asshole,
but you were scared.
A hush fell over them while Raven considered Mark s words. All of them.
She was r-right, you know, he finally said. I was holding out on her. I started saving
m-money whenever or wherever I could to get away from her. It wasn t m-much. A p-
pittance at first. Then I started doing t-technical writing.
Mark looked at him sadly. It was almost the same expression of sympathy and concern
he d seen on Jamie s face earlier.
I don t w-want that. I don t want to hold out on someone I l-love. I m sorry for& for
everything that h-happened. I was s-scared and& you were right, I p-pushed you away.
www.total-e-bound.com
RAVEN S MARK Jade Archer
186
Mark took his hand, a comfort and a promise at the same time. I ll try to wait until I m
asked for help. It s just& it s hard to stand back sometimes. But I will try.
Raven nodded. He wasn t sure how it would all work out, but Mark saying he would
try was worth a thousand empty guarantees from anyone else.
I was so afraid, he finally managed to admit.
Mark nodded. Yeah. Me too.
N-no. I mean, yes& but& deep d-down I was afraid she would& I wasn t just scared
for Ryan and m-me. I was scared she d& hurt you too.
Raven.
Mark pulled him in for a hug. The incredible thing was, despite all the turmoil and
heightened emotions of the conversation, Mark was so careful that Raven hardly felt any
pain from his bruised ribs. Raven soaked up the sensation of peace he found in Mark s arms,
letting it soothe him until he was finally able to release some of the poison that had been
lying against his heart for so long.
Do you know when I f-finally realised we had to escape?
Raven felt Mark shake his head where it rested against the top of his.
She was drunk one n-night. Throwing things and yelling and& and she started on
about R-Ryan. Saying how m-much of a fuck up I was. How she d w-wanted a girl. How I [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]